forgive yourself - Dean Coulson
Mental Strength, mindset

Can You Forgive Yourself?

Forgiveness.

It’s one thing forgiving others but much harder forgiving yourself.

I would forgive my son

I would forgive my wife

I would forgive my family

But i found it always easier to forgive others than forgive myself.

I used to beat myself up, mangle myself, be so hard on myself and for what?

To make myself feel shit.

How does that serve me?

Have you ever done that?

Being so self critical and self judgemental.

It certainly didn’t serve me at all,

It certainly didn’t make me feel good.

So I decided that I would conserve my energy and let it go.

I realised that some days it just beats you.

Sometimes the anger beats you

Sometimes the jealousy beats you

Sometimes the rage beats you

Sometimes the judgement beats you

Sometimes the envy beats you

You just get mangled and that’s ok.

It means you are on the right path and there are lessons to learn.

If you don’t have days when you feel beaten, you are not in the right arena.

You are not challenging yourself enough to grow, to feel discomfort.

You are not asking the right questions of yourself

If we cannot forgive ourselves then we are not living in the present moment.

So breathe

So give yourself a break.

Take it easy on yourself.

Everything will be ok.

Dean x

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choosing
Inspiration, Mental Strength, mindset, Motivation

Simply Choose to BEgin

To become the “best version of you” you can be, you have to grow as a person.

Small thinking will not get you there. You have to expand your mind and your thoughts.

Contracting to expand.

Moving forwards requires a focus on the important things, the challenging things.

Cutting away the excess, the superfluous, the distractions that don’t serve you.

Once you are aligned you will be able to expand yourself, your consciousness will grow to allow you to become a better version of you.

Focus on impacting as many people as you can in a positive way.

Stop defending the reasons why you are where you are.

Stop arguing with everybody about why you are where you are.

Stop thinking about what you cannot have and instead focus on what you can have and desire.

You cannot move forwards by focusing on the past.

To be the best version of you, to be a better person, let go of why you think you cannot be.

Flip it around.

You will get what you focus on the most, so STOP thinking about what doesn’t serve you

and

START focusing on what does serve you that will give you the life you desire.

There is so much pain in this world that people now actively go out of their way to avoid it, isolating themselves from “potential” pain.

Pain that they perceive based on their past stories.

This most commonly turns out to be a bullshit story.

As a race, we thrive on connection, but now it is frowned upon, its not the done thing.

We fear judgement and ridicule so we don’t do it.

Well I am here to invite you to start connecting and start BEing.

Connection is love and love is what everyone craves deep down…

To BE and feel loved and appreciated.

This isn’t some bullshit sissy crap.

Real people let go of their egos and allow themselves to connect.

It is seen by many as a weakness but it is possibly your greatest strength.

Anyone who says otherwise is playing a story in their head and ultimately will feel lonely.

Become more vulnerable, allow yourself to connect with others.

Step up and show up!

We seem to live in a world where we are encouraged to bottle up and hide emotions, to keep things to yourself.

This however blocks our flow.

The power of giving and receiving.

To show up in the world as our most powerful self, letting go and sharing your truth is the only way to happiness.

In reality, being truthful and honest with yourself and others leads to great strength and belonging.

To become a better version of you, you have to DEMAND that a better version of you show up EVERY SINGLE DAY!

If you want your life to be better, contribute DAILY to change.

If you want to change how you look, contribute DAILY to change.

If you want to change how you feel, contribute DAILY to change.

If you want to have a better relationship, contribute DAILY to change

If you want a better or different career, contribute DAILY to change.

if you want to be happy, contribute DAILY to change.

Lower the barriers, make connections real and I mean real, not via social media, connect with more people in real life, face to face and watch how you grow as you do it.

If you don’t show up every day demanding the change, you will stay how you always have been.

It doesn’t have to be grand gestures, just little promises that you keep to yourself EVERY DAY.

Each little step will take you forward to a rich and rewarding life.

If you focus on how you can first help yourself and then help other people without any thought of reward.

Have the courage to focus on being the best version of you, and find the courage to start.

For the courage is inside us all, if we only choose to look inside to find it.

Simply choose to BEGIN x

Truth, Courage & Happiness

Dean x

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Martial Arts Illustrated Magazine Article - Nov 2016
discipline, Health, mindset, Motivation, performance nutrition

What Does Health Really Mean?

The definitive guide to healthy living and vitality

 

Everyone I come across believes that they are healthy.

But here’s the rub. Most are not.

They believe it because of the amount of myths that perpetuate regarding what actually health is.

Health is a state a being, not eating “low fat” dietary products or being conned into having energy drinks touted as essential to having the energy to live. Each one quite frankly are sub optimal at best.

There is a world of confusion, or so it seems. In reality it simply comes down to this. We have allowed ourselves to trust others before ourselves.

The countless people who I have talked to who said they don’t know what to eat.

Well I am calling them out on it. Because they do. They have just allowed someone else to take responsibility for what they eat, so they don’t have to. That means it isn’t “their fault” if they put on weight or have no energy, it is someone elses.

I KNOW everyone knows what food is healthy. Everyone knows broccoli is better than chocolate or water is better than fizzy drinks. It’s the other mindless brain washing that confuses people.

So lets define health and see what you think. As I invite you to read this article and reply via my email address in the bio at the end with your own comments and frustrations and views.

As a performance nutritionist and health coach I come across a myriad of people, each one believing they are healthy and this may well be true. However, there are others who have a different view.

Some think moderation is key, some think living in solitude and living 100% clean and living off the land without external influence is health, others still have no idea what health is or simply don’t care, usually to their detriment.

Then there are the lies sold to us from those companies who are only interested in manipulating our insecurities to take our hard earned money.

Everyone has their own idea or definition of health and there have been endless discussions about what contributes to health and how to improve it. So here is what I believe to be true.

So what is health anyway?health

What is it defined as? And can we really define health as a whole or is it a unique experience?

One dictionary defines health as “the state of being free from illness or injury”. But I think it is much more than that. Health isn’t about surviving as is suggested by the definition above. I think it is way more.

The world health organisation defines health differently…

“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”

This is more in line with what I believe to be true, so lets delve in further.

For me there is just way more to what health means… More than most people realise.

Let me start with a little story…

My journey towards health started when we (my wife and I) had the truth read out to us one day….

“You cannot have kids naturally.”

That is something you just don’t want to hear… wanting something you are told you cannot have. As humans that usually makes us want things more. Have you ever deprived a child of their favourite toy? You get what I am saying right?

My wife and I had been trying unsuccessfully for a few years and so visited our doctor. After some tests it was revealed that the problem was mine.

Well ain’t that typical!

My little swimmers well, didn’t know how to swim! You see there are 3 factors to the health of sperm… Morphology (shape), Motility (ability to swim) and amount produced. All 3 factors showed up in my army or lack thereof. There were very few, they had no idea how to swim and it seemed they were all hunch backs!

Not something you want spelled out, a truth that I didn’t want anyway.

However, I was unwilling to accept that as black and white. I wanted to know if there was another way. I wanted to know what had caused my problem and set about finding out.

I am not one to accept defeat or accept that what I am told is true without exhausting every other avenue first. So we tried IVF treatment twice, but both times it failed. As I said when you cannot have something, you want it more. When it is something as precious as a child, then it is a bitter pill to swallow.

BUT…

I can be very stubborn

And partly out of the guilt I felt thinking the problem laying at my door (which it didn’t really, I didn’t do this on purpose, I just felt that way because of the circumstances) I started researching for a way to conceive naturally. Now you could argue the valid point about fostering or adopting a child at this point and many people have and we looked into it, but I just wasn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet and neither was my wife.

healthy heartEnter Nutrition

As it turns out I did find a way. I started reading about and studying nutrition, I contacted nutritionists, I went to see one and found out that something could be done. I learned that what we ingest has a major impact on our health. It’s not just about the food, but the chemicals used in crop spraying, what actually is in our water supply, what we cook in etc. etc. I sought out nutritionists who were experts in this field and as a result now have a healthy 11 year old son.

This was all down to nutrition, yes, it is THAT powerful!

Now I see nutrition as PART of health, not all of it.  There is so much more to it that the majority of people do not realise, however nutrition is a vital part and it is very powerful as I have explained.

It is not just what you eat (or more appropriately ingest) it is about how well you digest your food to get the nutrients you need, it is about proper hydration, breathing correctly, emotional balance, getting enough sleep, rest and recovery, how you are handling stress, how you move as well as what you let into your head.

THEY ALL PLAY A PART

That is why your health is not just a one trick pony, it is multifaceted. It is all about finding a balance in all areas of your life, not just one or two.

It’s about having all the bases covered and being VERY truthful about where you are and what has to improve to tap into your vast power and becoming the pinnacle of health.

 

How do you define health?

What health means differs for many people. Some simply believe that you are healthy because you are not sick, there is no disease present, well not one defined by the medical profession.

But health is way more than not having a disease. You can still be disease free and live a sub life, a life devoid of laughter, passion, fun, love, energy and vitality (to name just a few).

You can have your physical health, eat well and rest, but have poor relationships and be unhelpful.

Or you can have the opposite, being of poor health and diet, poor sleep but enrich their lives through deep connections with others, having fun and making a difference to other people’s lives.

Ideally we are looking to encompass the best of both examples, and yet, few people strive for it

 

So is health really just the absence of disease?

I don’t believe so. It is not about focusing on what you don’t have (disease), but what you do have. Health is about living a full life, to have the energy to accomplish anything. To have the power to face any challenge. To allow yourself to grow and become more than you are. Disease just does not come in to it. To claim you are healthy because you are not sick is robbing you of your life and vitality. There are other things at play that can prevent you from living a full healthy life without being diagnosed with some condition.

 “The microbe is nothing; the terrain is everything.”

Louis Pasteur (who invented pasteurisation) is the god father of what today’s modern medicine is based on. He noted that germs were the source of viruses and disease and his “germ theory” is what is used today in modern medicine.

He based his whole theory on the prevention of germs and disagreed with the above statement made by his contemporary Claude Bernard until his deathbed. Louis Pasteur then admitted that the above statement was actually true, that when a body is in homeostasis or balance and in strong health with a strong immune system it can look after itself and kill the germs that lead to viruses and diseases.

But Pasteur’s initial work on germ theory had already become most prevalent, and still is, which is why Doctors try and kill all germs with drugs and keep hospitals sterile. Thankfully, more information is coming to the forefront all the time about healthy gut flora, probiotic foods, strengthening immunity, and preventing disease.

Our bodies are living ecosystems full of bacteria which sustain our lives. Healthy colonies of good bacteria help protect us from bad bacteria, and without the good flora we have little defence. People with severely weakened immune systems have to be careful not contract pathogenic germs, yes; but the normal ideal is to have a strong immune system that wards off pathogens that we come in contact with every day, without needing to hide from them.

wellness

Is Perfect Health Possible?

Heath and what it means is so diverse that maintaining a true balance of everything that contributes to it can be challenge… but NOT impossible.

I believe we have to look at all areas of our lives.

Balance – Your relationship with yourself, your family and your friends. Being honest and transparent, don’t buy into gossip or lies, the sensationalism that people seem to thrive on these day. Strive to tell the truth, starting with what you tell yourself. This is so easily dismissed, to avoid judgement from others we take to wearing masks and live lives that others want us to live and not what we were placed on this earth for. Make sure you are present with everyone close to you, be fully immersed in your connections with others, do not go in distracted, but maintain total focus.

Body – What we eat/drink and exercise. Everything to give ourselves the best performing body we can with a strong immune system to ward off everyday bugs. We were built to move, not sit all day on our backsides. Remember Nutrition can give life, it is that powerful, never neglect it. Assess yours. What stories do you tell yourself as to why you cannot give something up that doesn’t serve you? Challenge yourself!

Being – What we do to BE ourselves. To put ourselves first, to attain our own happiness and fulfilment. This may sound selfish but if you are not 100% healthy both physically and mentally then how can you give 100% to your partner or kids? Things such as meditation, practicing mindfulness, spiritual study, journaling affirmations and visualisations can have a massive impact on your health and help you focus and believe in who you are. Holding onto negative emotions can manifest itself into all manner of things including diseases and is well proven.

Business – YOUR business. What you were put on this earth for. Your passion, your purpose. Identifying who you are and who you are going to show up in the world as. Are you aligned with who you were meant to be? Are you providing your knowledge and your uniqueness to the world or are you hiding it away? Become very clear on your value and how to share it with the world.

If we are out of balance or out of alignment in one area it affects all other areas. To expand, you have to contract first. You have to shed the superfluous, get rid of the unnecessary, minimise the excess and remove the redundant so you are left with the essence of your being. Only then you can expand. Address the unhealthy areas in your life and change them.

 

Should you be selfish to attain your health?

I think you should.

It is difficult to give 100% to other areas of your life such as family and friendships when you are not 100% yourself.

If you have ever been on an aeroplane, you are told at the start of every flight that in the case of an emergency you must fit your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others, for very good reason as I am sure you’ll agree… you cannot help anyone else before you help yourself.

This applies to your life too.

Your health is much more than having an illness. It is about LIVING and cutting the things loose that stops you from doing achieving a full life. It is about being brutally honest and finding the truth to YOUR happiness and your purpose for living. Health is about having good eating habits and exercising. It is increasing real connections to the people who matter the most to you and being present, without distraction. It is about being outside in nature as much as possible and also releasing negative emotions and exploring who you really are.

You have more power than you can possible imagine.

What you may not realise is that having your health gives you that power.

BE Mindful, live your dreams, live your life, live your purpose and (most importantly) attain your health.

 

(Be) True

(Be) Courageous

(Be) Happy

 

Dean x

 

References

Stockton, S. (2000). The terrain is everything: Contextual factors that influence our health. Clearwater, Fl. Power of One Publishing.

Lost history of medicine: http://www.mnwelldir.org/docs/terrain/lost_history_of_medicine.htm

Unique Healing 2®: A Guide for Eliminating Your “A-Z” Symptoms, Weight problems, illnesses and addictions by Donna Pessin

Eat, Move & be healthy by Paul Chek.

Nutrition and physical degeneration by Weston A Price

Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Why Zebras don’t get ulcers by Robert Sapolsky

The Optimum Nutrition Bible by Patrick Holford

Natural Solutions To Infertility by Marilyn Glenville

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Warrior Cry to your soul
brainset, mindset, Motivation, self mastery

A Warrior Cry To Your Soul

To make a commitment to change and to alter ones path takes courage.

It takes a realisation that what ever you are doing is not serving you and so you draw a line, make a stand, a declaration to be brutally honest with yourself and challenge the very fabric of your being to see if it is you or other influences controlling your destiny.

If you feel powerless, then take steps to alter your internal environment and change direction and take back your power.

Do you hold sovereignty over yourself, are you in control of you?
or do you allow yourself to be controlled?

What influences are you allowing to preside over you? What reasons are you using to prevent action?

YOU get to choose the thoughts you have and actions you take.
Do not wait, do not hesitate!

The first rule of mastering yourself is to master your palate, what you consume…the food that you eat.

Once you master that you can apply that template to master anything.

Do you control what you ingest? Or do you continue to make excuses as to why you do not, can not, will not!

Consumption is not the problem.

Denial is the problem.

Being a warrior is about brutal self honesty.

It is about knowing yourself inside and out so that you cannot get away with kidding yourself.

What are you kidding yourself about?

What reasons are you using why you cannot be who you want to be?

Post below or send me a message if you are struggling and need some help with that.

Truth, courage & happiness

Dean

‪#‎leanwarrior‬

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take control
discipline, Inspiration, Mental Strength, mindset, Motivation

Extreme Ownership

A BIG reason why you may not be achieving your fitness, business (or any other) goals is your lack of awareness.

Awareness precedes change.

One of my favourite sayings, you may have heard me mention it once or twice 😉

Why?

Because without awareness, no “plan” will help since you’re not even aware of the real problem. The underlying cycle will continue to repeat itself.

As we change habits we move from…

Unconscious incompetence –> Conscious incompetence –> Conscious competence –> Unconscious incompetence

From completely unaware, to aware but no knowledge of how to change, to consciously learning and making the changes, to finally applying the change automatically without thinking about it.

To move from that first step we have to become aware of it first!

Although accountability is a big factor in success, you can only be held accountable if you’re truly committed.

And to be truly committed you have to first take ownership of your current reality.

The beauty of that is that we get to destroy our current reality that does not serve us and create a new one that does.

Sometimes we realise we have the power to change, but it feels uncomfortable and so we don’t stick with it only to let it go.

Heres why…

By deciding to change you are taking the responsibility for that action and it can be very uncomfortable. Many stories can rise out of your mind why you “couldn’t possible do it”. But ask yourself,  is that really true? or is it the voice of fear?

It can be very easy to then not do the actions required to improve your life and then blame them on something else instead so you don’t have to have that responsibility.

But without responsibility, you have no power over yourself. You relinquish control of your life to someone or something else.

Is that what you want?

Sometimes when you don’t do anything you cannot fail at it, you cannot be judged, you will not hear “I told you so”.

But if you really want to improve your life you must own it.

By taking extreme ownership, you get to accept the process and take responsibility and know it is all on you whether you succeed or not.

But this is a good thing, because even if you fail, you are still in control, still able to learn the lesson why, make adjustments and try again.

So what is your priority?

Do you want to take back control of your life, or do you want your life to control you?

e.g. from a nutrition perspective, there may be a number of things to change, but don’t try and change them all at once. decide on a step and implement it. it might be…

3 litres of water per day

Add more protein to your daily diet

Add more fats to each meal

Get more sleep

Eat and chew slower

If you struggle, ask what’s the lesson?

Do I take on less? do I make sure I do one thing consistently THEN move to the next thing when you are ready for it?

What things are you trying, but not succeeding at and blaming someone or something other than yourself?

Remember, every one has the time, its the priority you place on what you are doing that determines what you do.

So prioritise and plan what you want to change and execute the plan, consistently, day by day, week by week. until you succeed.

It doesn’t have to look a certain way, be flexible with it, but get it done.

If you have any thoughts or comments, then let me know below

Truth, Courage & Happiness

Dean x

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